I am Goan, and nothing human is alien to me…

Mama

February 13, 2016Eulogy

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To us, our mother Judite was a fine human being whose external beauty was a reflection of her inner self. She was a simple soul and she led a simple life, with few demands and even fewer expectations. On the other hand, she gave a lot of herself to others, especially her family. Her diminutive stature was compensated by a large heart, and this is what helped her straddle the responsibilities of a large family and her workplace.

We were a family of seven. But for all practical purposes we were at least ten, for besides our revered Avó Leonor and our fondly remembered Tia Lídia, relatives studying or working in Panjim would stay with us. Mama welcomed them all. Fondness among the extended family was at its best in those almost carefree days. And since the hand that gives, receives – something Mama said again and again – she received immense help from her sisters, particularly after the 1992 malaria bout that shunted five of us to hospital. This was a very stressful period for Mama; she remained ever grateful to Dr Adélia Costa who helped her out of it, much as she was always grateful to Dr Arcanjo Menezes, who saved her from a tricky medical condition when Sávio was born; as did Dr Roque Ribeiro, on a later occasion.

Mama enjoyed music and the company of people. Blessed with a voice particularly suited to the mandó and religious hymns, she, as a true Curtorcar, took pride in composing mandó for family weddings and anniversaries. Mild-mannered and cordial, she won respect and love, so much so that friends from her office days stayed on with her long into her retirement. She never coveted wealth, power or influence; she was happy with “o pão nosso de cada dia” (our daily bread) – another of her favourite sayings; she was deeply thankful for whatever she had received from the Good Lord, and this kept her cheerful at all times.

A picture of our beloved Mama is not complete without a reference to our dearest Papa. The union of the two through the intercession of St Judas Thaddeus remained blessed, thanks to their devotion to each other and above all to God, to Jesus and His Blessed Mother. The daily Rosary, the Bible, and the Sunday Mass were our staple fare. For our parents, it was also The Memorare and, of late, the Chaplet of Divine Mercy, which they would recite without fail at 3 o’clock: a tradition that Mama kept up till her last days.

Our parents taught us more by example than by precept what it meant to remain united as a family. And a real eye-opener it was when Papa first told us the touching story ‘União faz força’ and Mama chipped in to say that ‘Unity is Strength’ had indeed been the theme of her first lesson as a school teacher. Ilídio fondly recalls the time we spent together as a family, sharing experiences, ‘not a waste of time but an investment’.

You can imagine how difficult it must have been for a mother of five to take care of the household. But neither lack of know-how nor lack of finance was ever a barrier, because Mama did everything with love and out of love. Innovative and creative that she was, she often improvised dishes, cleverly giving them attractive names that magically seemed to enhance the taste. Of gentle ways, her tender hand on our weary foreheads was better than cold water compresses. Her concern for her sons, daughters-in-law and grandchildren knew no bounds. She would not fall asleep until everyone was home. We faulted her for that, but she just couldn’t help it.

Mama was practical minded but her over-concern for us once led her to suggest that we build a big house where all of us siblings and our families would stay together. On another occasion, so anxious was she, not knowing which part of Africa Orlando was stuck in, that, on the telephone, she misheard ‘I am in Johannesburg’ as ‘I am a joyless bird’. She bid him to return quickly, and return he did. What’s more, on his arrival our Benjamin was rushed to the hospital with a highly inflamed appendix…

That was amor de mãe – mother’s love defined. She and I would very often be at our phones at the same time, trying to get across to each other. ‘Telepatia’, she would say... Similarly, her trips to Europe were rather an occasion to be with Ivo and his family, all of whose company she missed.

While she was blessed with talent for music, drawing and craft, she appreciated these better in her grandchildren. They meant the world to her as did her daughters-in-law whom she saw as extensions of herself in what concerned taking care of her five sons! And her daughters-in-law responded with deep love and admiration and indeed gave their best when it came to her last six months of illness. They were five pillars of support to Mama’s five sons.

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Mama and all of us went through some of the most difficult moments of our life: five and a half months Mama suffered to make us used to the idea that she was going to be no more; and in the process emptied herself completely, to the last drop of her blood, in a spirit of total sacrifice. For the family it was a necessary purgatory, which led us to pray harder than usual and to show our mother that we loved her. For Mama it was, hopefully, her Purgatory on earth, so now we have the moral certainty that she already possesses the Beatific Vision.

(Excerpts from my funeral eulogy)

by Oscar de Noronha